"How is everybody? Good. Great. Well now, I've been down in the basement drinking coffee for the last four hours, and I'm tired of reading these character profiles that don't amount to jack squat! Now, I don't see too good, but does this writer look like Bill Shakespeare to you? Well la-dee-freakin'-da! If this keeps up, he's going to wind up eating a steady diet of government cheese and living in a van down by the river! No, I'm here to get this list back...on...track. And I only see one solution. I'm gonna get my gear and move in here. We're gonna be buddies! We're gonna be pals! We're..." [CRASH]